Why dreams don't come true and how to deal with it

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We all dream about something, but for some reason we immediately classify our most cherished desires as unattainable. While most of them are actually fully realized. What prevents us from achieving our goals and how to deal with it, psychologist and business coach Evgeny Dranishchev tells us.

We all dream about many things since childhood. Some to become an astronaut or a veterinarian. Some to marry a prince. Some to become the richest person. We dream in childhood with such power that it can move mountains if we start acting. It seems to us that everything is in our hands, and all obstacles are surmountable. Many of us are supported in our childhood fantasies by our parents and friends, and we are happy.

But we grow up. And only a few of us become the strongest and most successful, marry princes or fly into space. And the rest? Do they stop dreaming? Or do they prefer to live with a dream without taking steps towards its fulfillment? Unfortunately, the latter.

There are several main reasons why we do not turn dreams into reality.

The dream you are living with is not yours

Many of us live in an unconscious state. It's as if by inertia acquired in childhood. And in adult life, we, as before, continue to use protective behavior, emotions and reactions that developed before the age of five. Most often, we didn't even develop them ourselves, but simply adopted what worked well in our parents' family. After all, it's natural to take the best from our parents. But we often also take dreams “from there”. We copy them from each other or from adults who are important to us. And we ourselves, having become adults, never dare to check them for truth and belonging to ourselves. By the way, it's easy to do this, just ask yourself the question of why you only dream, but haven't taken a single step towards fulfilling your dream.

Fear and self-doubt get in the way

“Aren’t you scared?” This is the most popular question we hear when planning to take steps to make our dreams come true. And people around us ask this question several times, hoping to hear that we are really scared. And the brave are really scared, and they often don’t hide it. But even if they are scared, some people prefer to move forward, in their minds fear does not equal stopping. And others are held back by fear, and they stay put.

The fact is that moving towards your dream, even the most cherished one, is in any case stressful. After all, even if the usual way of life is dull, awkward and boring, we are still in a comfort zone, where everything is familiar, familiar, nothing spontaneous. And in order to go towards your dream, you need to leave your comfort zone, be prepared for difficulties and surprises, cope with doubts and fears. By the way, leaving your comfort zone and taking the first steps is easier if you have resources: support from loved ones and friends, an important goal, and an inner drive.

The opinions of others confuse you

Dependence on the opinions of others, most often disappointing, is one of the factors that slow us down in the direction of our dreams.

We can be very successful financiers, lawyers, teachers, but not be happy. And secretly, face to face, dream of becoming photographers, travelers, decorators. Or dream of moving to India. Or dream of having ten children. Unfortunately, as soon as we are ready to make a plan and start moving, many of us are overcome by doubts about what others will say if from successful professionals in our field we again turn into beginners in another field. After all, we all live in a society where parents and teachers instill in us from childhood the need to look around for the opinions of other people.

The fact is that in reality, the realization and realization of our dreams is often not included in the plans of others. Especially the closest, beloved people who love us. Amazing, isn't it? After all, their support is so necessary and important for us. The main problem is that fulfilling your dream can greatly affect their comfort zone, and not always in a positive way. After all, the symbiosis in your relationship is already firmly established and is based on old habits, desires and interests.

The main fears of loved ones, which contribute to their negative attitude towards our successes, are completely selfish:

• “She/he will stop supporting me financially”
• “I won't be able to be proud of her/him, but now I can tell everyone – my daughter/son is a financier!”
• “She/he will move away from us and find new friends”
• “We will have different interests, and she/he will get bored with us”
• “But I don’t dare to make my dream come true”
• “If she/he moves, we won’t be so close.”

Obviously, those around you will not support the dreamer because of such realizations, or perhaps unconscious experiences. Most likely, they will impose their fears on the daredevil, convince him that it is better to leave everything as it is, or, even worse, threaten to break off relations.

Making a dream come true is not romantic

Agree that dreaming of a happy life by the sea is romantic and pleasant. And studying and collecting documents, renting or buying real estate, placing children in a new school, learning a foreign language, and a lot of other things are troublesome and expensive.

But in order to make a dream come true, you must first make a decision about this, which is associated with a lot of experiences and stress. Then translate the decision into an intention, and then turn the intention into an action plan. And to implement the plan, you usually have to spend a lot of resources, including financial ones. And if it comes to finances, then there is no room for romance here.

Every dream has its downside – these are possible difficulties associated with its realization: lack of finances, lack of support from loved ones, fears of losing your comfort zone. But if the decision to implement it is made, then behind all these difficulties there is a reward – you will not be dreaming, you will live your dream every day. And you will also be very proud of yourself!