11 strange reasons why a man falls in love with a woman
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Those who once fell in love know very well how difficult it is to explain why we liked a particular person. And yet, psychologists are constantly conducting research, trying to understand the nature of this feeling.
In the process of studying love from the point of view of psychology, experts found out several interesting facts. Some common myths about what attracts us to other people have been debunked, while others, on the contrary, turned out to be the pure truth. We talk about the most interesting reasons why men fall in love with women.
You seem difficult to reach
In 2014, an experiment was conducted that confirmed the popular belief that men are attracted to “hard-to-reach” women. In a series of speed dates, members of the stronger sex showed much more interest in those who showed complete indifference when answering their questions. However, these conclusions are not universal and have their caveats.
In particular, men want to feel a connection with a woman — in the context of the experiment, this meant that they themselves chose such a woman as their partner and this choice was not connected with someone else.
However, the researchers made another unexpected conclusion: despite the fact that the most attractive to men were aloof and cold women, they liked them the least. Love is indeed a very confusing and strange thing.
You have the “right” facial expression
When a woman radiates happiness and smiles, men like it. Only in the opposite case, such a scheme does not work.
In 2011, scientists decided to conduct a large-scale study in which more than a thousand people participated. All subjects were shown photos of members of the opposite sex and asked to rate the degree of attractiveness of these people. As a result, men gave the highest ratings to women who appeared happy, and the lowest ratings to those who appeared arrogant. The opinion of women regarding the attractiveness of partners turned out to be completely opposite: proud men won their hearts, but happy men were not impressed at all.
You gesture a lot
Fill the physical space around you: use expressive gestures and expressive body posture. Researchers observed how people behave on speed dates and concluded that those who actively gestured were twice as successful as those who sat still.
This was confirmed by another experiment. The same people were photographed twice: in the first frame, everyone assumed a tight pose, and in the second they were asked to relax and be open as much as possible. These photos were then uploaded to a speed dating app. It is interesting that the perception of a person in general, even in a photograph, changed depending on his posture. Photos in which people were in confident and open poses received more comments than those in which they were cramped.
On the outside, you resemble his ex
Some believe that each of us has “his type” of partner. It is women who tend to rely on this theory. Only here there are nuances.
So, for example, according to the results of the same 2011 study that we talked about above, women and men agreed that the faces of people of the opposite sex who somehow resembled their previous partners seemed more attractive to them than others. And yet, men gave lower ratings to women who were similar to their partners at the time of the study.
You respond to his “attention requests” and he responds to yours< /h3>
The beginning and development of a relationship depends very much on the reaction of partners to each other and to “requests for attention”. This point of view is supported by psychologist John Gottman, who has been studying relationships between people in pairs for 40 years. Imagine the situation: the wife, who is fond of ornithology, notices a beautiful bird with colorful plumage outside the window. She admires this little miracle, trying to see better and guess the species. She offers to look at this bird to the man who is next to her. How will he react to this? There are many options. A husband can ignore his wife's words or nod indifferently in response, while watching the morning news on TV. Or, for example, he may actually pay attention to the object that his woman so liked, sharing her enthusiasm. It is not difficult to guess which reaction of the partner in a similar situation will bring the couple closer, and which will distance the spouses from each other.
Emily Esfahani Smith, author of books on psychology, is convinced that the impact of these (even small) reactions on relationships is really huge. In her conclusions, she relies on the results of John Gottman's research. He observed couples for several years and analyzed what effect such reactions had on the relationship. In those couples who broke up 6 years after marriage, partners responded to “requests for attention” only 33% of the time. And in couples who continued to live together, this indicator was 87%.
You are very similar to him
Dozens of years of research have absolutely proven that the already entrenched stereotype that “opposites attract” is complete nonsense. “Partners who are similar on many criteria, such as personality type, are more likely to be able to get along together. This makes it easier to understand each other in life together,” says Gian Gonzaga, the author of a study of couples who met on “eHarmony”.
You look into his eyes for a long time
Joan Kellerman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, conducted the following experiment: 72 senior students who did not know each other were divided into pairs and looked into each other's eyes for two minutes. “Later, they said that during this time they developed an attraction to the person standing across from them,” he says. – This suggests that prolonged eye contact can connect you with someone and ignite feelings for the person you are seeing for the first time in your life.”
You have the “right” smell
A study by the University of California Young showed that women who are in the ovulation stage are attracted to the smell of T-shirts worn by men with high levels of testosterone. This is fully explained by procreative instincts: this smell attracts us, because if men produce a large amount of male hormone, this indicates good genetics.
Men also care how their partner smells, only they prefer those smells that harmonize with a woman. Body odor after a shower is considered ideal, and perfume should only gently complement this pleasant, clean and natural aroma.
In some ways, you are similar to his parents
University of St Andrews psychologist David Perrett and his colleagues found that we are attracted to partners who have the same eye and hair color as our parents. The age range of people we like also often goes back to our childhood. As adults, we fall in love with people the same age as the people around us when we were children.
“We were able to find out that women whose parents were over 30 years old at the time of their birth liked young men much less than mature men,” the authors of the study concluded. “Men's preferences for women's age range were based on their own mother's age, but not their father's – and this only mattered in long-term, serious relationships.”
You look the same or slightly less attractive than he does< /h3>
In 1996, an experiment was conducted in which all participants were first given an assessment of their physical attractiveness, and then randomly matched to each partner. All participants were then asked how satisfied they were with how the date went. Those people who scored high on attractiveness were sharper and harsher in their judgments (even if their partner had the same rating as them). The better looking their date was, the less satisfied they were with how things turned out.
But that only applied to really, really attractive people. For most of us, it is still more important that we and our partner are equally beautiful.
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