8 “wrong” things that can strengthen a family

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For example, being together everywhere is right, but flirting with strangers is, of course, wrong, even reprehensible. However, time flies quickly, and many of the things that were previously considered “right” may be questioned in their fidelity, and, conversely, what we always considered “bad”, “wrong” may now appear before us in a completely different light.

Let's look at some examples of how “bad” things can help strengthen a marriage.

Standing up for yourself

Society has taught people all their lives that when an individual enters a relationship, they no longer say “I” but start saying “we.” We are used to sacrificing something personal, expecting that they will do the same for us in return. In its extreme form, this begins to resemble emotional blackmail. Not achieving the desired return, we involuntarily provoke claims and quarrels: “I had to give up everything for you,” “I do everything for you, but what do you do for me?”, “Why don’t you give me anything in return?”, etc. Sacrifices in relationships are vital for partners, but a peaceful union that takes into account each other’s needs is truly necessary. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with defending your interests. Allow yourself and your chosen one to be yourself, do not lose your individuality.

Conflict

Family life can hardly be without arguments and quarrels, even if the spouses understand each other very well. When a person suppresses negative emotions such as anger, discontent, resentment, for some reason not wanting to express everything to their partner, this leads to the emergence of hidden problems, tension and distrust. Conflicts help people to throw out everything that hurts and open up to each other. Otherwise, the hidden negativity will be more like a time bomb, which will eventually explode in a nervous breakdown. However, you also need to respect the boundaries, you also need to be able to quarrel and it is better to do it “correctly”. To slightly reduce the degree of tension, try replacing the pronoun “you” with “I” during the next family “showdown”. Instead of “You didn’t put your clothes away again,” you should say: “I cleaned your closet again, even though you repeatedly promised me to clean it yourself.”

Selfishness

In fact, a little healthy selfishness in a relationship is really wonderful. Whatever one may say, when a person, being in a relationship, preserves his own identity, defends his own principles and interests, as well as personal space, this has a positive effect on marriage. Otherwise, spouses will be tormented by mutual resentment, claims, and depression. Therefore, do not be shy about taking care of yourself and your own comfort: “Darling, lately I’ve been really tired at work. Do you mind if I go to the spa with the girls tomorrow?”

Distance

If partners are constantly together, it can eventually sink the marriage into a routine and extinguish the passion in the relationship. If you feel that you want to be alone with yourself, to experience a short-term separation, then, without being tormented by any sense of guilt, allow yourself to do this: after all, you are doing it for the sake of your relationship with your husband, and not an attempt to free yourself from him. “Honey, remember you wanted to meet your friends from the institute? This is an excellent idea! And I will go to the shopping center with my girlfriends.” A short distance is even very useful for marriage. Remember that you are two self-sufficient and independent individuals.

Flirting

Psychologists consider flirting to be a natural need associated with sexual behavior. For many, it is a way of relaxing and an exciting game – a pleasant outlet. Everyone is pleased to catch the admiring glances of a representative of the opposite sex from time to time, even if they have a significant other. However, it is extremely important not to cross the shaky line of what is permissible and not to let your significant other feel offended: Instead of “Today, on the street, a guy looked at me so much! He didn't even turn his neck a little!”, it is better to say: “Today, I accidentally noticed an interested look on myself while walking down the street. You were right in saying that a smile makes me more attractive.” Just a slightly different presentation, and no jealousy, but on the contrary: the man is proud of you.

Crises

Every family goes through difficult times, not everything is smooth and sweet for everyone. Therefore, it is worth learning to overcome such crisis periods. When relationships are strained, try not only to reproach your partner and shower him with complaints, but also put forward your own suggestions and options for solving the problem. Instead of “You don’t earn anything at all! I’m so tired of this!”, it is better to formulate: “My dear, you see that our family does not have enough money. Maybe it makes sense to start your own business?”

Inconsistency

Be that as it may, the truth is not always necessary in a relationship. And understatement is not the same as lying. Believe me, it is not always worth telling the truth, even if you are right. If you love and respect your significant other, you should learn to choose your words carefully when you are proving your point or expressing your opinion. Instead of “I can’t stand going to visit your family!” it would be wiser to say: “I would really like to find common ground with your mother and your sister. Maybe you can give me some tips?”

Freedom of action

Most often, at the beginning of a relationship, in an effort to show ourselves from the best side and demonstrate our feelings and pure intentions, we ourselves do not notice how we begin to annoy our chosen one with our excessive care and concern. From a self-sufficient, equal and full-fledged partner, a woman turns into a disorganized mother hen. Of course, this quickly gets boring for a man. You should not confuse roles and transform into a restless nanny, do not take on more responsibilities than are expected of you: “Have you eaten? I fried your favorite cutlets here”, “Put on a hat, it’s cool outside today”, “I washed all your socks and ironed all your shirts!” Be more restrained in showing care for your partner, after all, you are his wife, not his mother: “I wrapped a portion of salad from yesterday for you to take to work. A thunderstorm is expected in the evening, so take an umbrella or raincoat with you”.