All unhappy people have one thing in common – what exactly

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One of the most persistent cognitive distortions is our perception of happiness as some kind of internal work, and unhappiness as the consequences of exclusively external influences.

As a rule, we understand that we must create or at least contribute to our own happiness (it is we who must organize a trip, quit our job, find our soul mate, etc.), but often people do not realize that the main and most common causes of an unhappy life are not related to random external events at all.

Unhappiness is the result of a combination of actions, qualities, thinking style and adaptation. We think that it is just a consequence of some external events, and therefore we are afraid of losing control over the situation. However, in reality this is not so: some people are happy even when they have no reason to be, while others feel deeply unhappy, despite the fact that they have almost everything in this world.

You should not feel ugly, be insecure about yourself or believe that you do not deserve happiness. The point is not in our environment, but in what is inside us. And almost all unhappy people have one specific feature.

As children, if we are lucky, our parents or caregivers provide for all our basic needs. Someone ties our shoelaces, helps us brush our teeth, does our homework, and makes us food. These are things that all children need to survive and thrive.

Over time, good parents begin to teach their children independence. As they grow older, children learn to take care of themselves, prepare their own food, and take care of their environment. They learn to form relationships, keep promises, decide whether they want to play sports, and choose whether to behave decently or not. And then they have to deal with the consequences of their decisions.

However, if a child never has the opportunity to feel independent (and this is responsibility not only for the decisions they make, but also for their own satisfaction or dissatisfaction), they grow up to be immature individuals. This is a typical result of unhealthy attachment to parents, the cause of which is the parents themselves, who project their sense of self onto the child.

As children, we call on our parents to solve our problems. But when we are adults, we have to rely only on ourselves.

All unhappy people share the same personality trait: immaturity. This is the basis for every habit and behavior that ultimately leads us to dissatisfaction with our lives.

• If a person does not take responsibility for their words and actions, they become random, jeopardizing all their relationships and causing harm to those around them. This is immaturity.
• If we do not take care of our bodies and homes because we “do not like” washing dishes or cleaning, this inevitably leads to chaos. This is another manifestation of immaturity.
• If someone lets us down, we project our disapproval onto them and become cruel. Our petty and passive-aggressive statements not only back us into a corner, but also make us appear more hurt than we really are. This is also immaturity.
• If we are unhappy with the trajectory of our life but choose to complain like a helpless child rather than strategize like an adult, then we will remain unhappy. This speaks to immaturity.

As we grow and mature as we grow older, we begin to take responsibility for our appearance, our home, our work, and our achievements. When a person is mature, they are able to focus on long-term results rather than short-term desires.

Over time, we will realize that all this is one of the richest sources of our happiness. We find absolute peace in returning home to a place we love. We demonstrate a willingness to make contact, reap the fruits of hard work (physical exercise or career advancement). Maturity allows us to focus on long-term goals, not fixated on short-term desires. And immature individuals are incapable of this.

Yes, the reason for an unhappy life lies in the unwillingness to take responsibility for it.

Half the world walks around us and behaves as if they are still children, as if someone should solve their problems and if they just scream or cry, some adult will immediately come to their aid. Other people realize that they are already adults, and that time, free space and maturity give them the strength and resources necessary to solve the difficulties that arise before them. Or, at least, such individuals are able to think out the right strategy, adapting to changing conditions.

The cause of our unhappiness lies in our unwillingness to take responsibility for our lives. This is a conscious stay in a state of eternal childhood and desperate attempts to understand why the world does not respond to our call for help.