“Empty nest” syndrome. Why do we suffer when children grow up?

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Children grow up, arrange their lives, become parents themselves. It would seem that everything is fine. But for parents who have raised their children for many years, sparing neither effort nor time for them, it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that their children are already adults.

And it is especially difficult when children move, and the parents remain alone. Feelings of uselessness, desolation, loneliness and sadness in such a situation are united by the concept of “empty nest syndrome”.

Normative family crisis

Like any living system, the family undergoes changes over time, passes certain periods: the beginning of a joint life, the birth of a child, growing up of a child, etc. All these transitional stages are called normative crises in psychology. The future of the family depends on how effectively it comes out of another crisis. Empty nest syndrome is also a normative family crisis.

The more united and happier the family was, the easier the crisis will pass. In separated families, families with hyperopia, the departure of a child aggravates all family problems. This is especially felt if the child was the connecting link between the parents. A single mother, whose life was completely centered around her child, has a hard time experiencing the departure of her child. In this case, negative emotions and shocks are inevitable.

How to deal with the empty nest syndrome?

There are several ways out of any family crisis: constructive and destructive. Constructive implies the strengthening of the personality of the spouses, the acquisition of new meanings and motives of life, the development and realization of oneself in various areas. The destructive option is an increase in depression, lack of desires and goals, fears of loneliness and death. What can parents do to make the exit constructive?

1. Let the child go. And the most difficult thing is to let her go not physically, but emotionally. She has already grown up, and she will cope with an independent life. It should be remembered that the best help to a person is to help him become independent. To be her reliable rear, but not to control.
2. Find a hobby. To do something interesting, for which there was not enough time because of the children. Now the children have become adults and you can devote time to creativity, needlework, travel, meeting with friends and relatives. Active activity will help distract from negative thoughts and increase confidence in one's own abilities.
3. Do not forget about family or personal life. Spouses have more time for each other. So why not use it?
4. A great opportunity to show social activity and become useful again is volunteering. You can help children, homeless people, animals, improve the ecological situation.

Life goes on in its own way, and changes are inevitable. You can see the bright side in any changes. The children have moved away, but they are happy. And parents can devote more time to themselves. Over time, the sadness of parting will be replaced by joy and pride for adults and independent children.