Experts have told what the dangers of a big age difference are

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9, 15, 19, 17, 25, 30, 35 – the age difference can be even greater. But these are the numbers that most often occur in couples. Life coach Kira Feklisova analyzes all the pros and cons of such relationships.

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They met on vacation, buying ice cream. She ordered pistachio and chocolate, he ordered chocolate and pistachio. She didn’t have any change. The seller had change. And he decided to treat a beautiful young girl to ice cream. She liked his fatherly care. He felt 15 years younger. And the acquaintance continued.

This is how these stories begin. An adult man helps a girl when she least expects it. She is touched by the care, as well as the gallantry and politeness of the stranger. And a relationship is formed between them. As a rule, a long one.

After all, an adult man has a lot of experience in communicating with women. And he knows all the weak points – when it is better to call, where to invite to make an impression, when to massage the shoulders to relax and get unobtrusive “admission to the body”, how to calm her in PMS, and when you can proceed to more decisive actions .

Basic relationship model

The basis of such relationships, as a rule, lies in the girl's dislike of her father in childhood. He was either absent, or he did not pay attention to his daughter and waved her away like a fly. From the point of view of psychology, it is the father who symbolizes the ideal man for the girl. And it is no secret that all girls aged 3 to 5 dream of marrying their father when they grow up.

And if the father perceives this well, caresses and cherishes his daughter, calling her “my princess”, then over time this desire passes. And the girl moves on to her peers. But if the father does not accept the love of his little daughter, this desire remains unrealized. And in adulthood, the girl will begin to play this program with a man who is much older than her, trying to make up for what was lost and fill this gaping hole.

Girl to old age

One of the unpleasant moments in such a relationship is that you will have to remain in the role of the same girl for almost your entire life. That is, to look at this man with admiration, depend on him, ask for his advice, take into account his opinion, and not your own.

There is a possibility that the marriage will be childless, because modern men often have problems with fertility. Especially those who are already old. And even if a child is born, you will still have to remain a girl-mother. That is, take into account his opinion, and not your maternal instinct.

You will never become an adult woman. If he needed such a woman, he would have chosen her, not you. Girls are easy to punish, criticize, deprive of ice cream, dresses and sweets. Play the same scenes when a father ignores his daughter, and increase your pain and dependence on him. So what, the girl is already 35. He is 50. He has lived longer and knows better how to do it.

Criticism

Even if it was not there at the beginning of your relationship, in a year it will still appear. Quietly and imperceptibly, under the pretext of caring for you and your family. Girls are chosen to be criticized and educated. “Show me your diary. Another A in math! You don't know how to spend money and keep a family budget!”

It doesn't matter how good you are at something – English, management, writing, public speaking or communication skills. An adult man will be afraid of losing you. After all, girls have the ability to grow up, graduate from school and enter adulthood. Therefore, the main tool of his influence will be criticism.

He himself is not perfect and is well aware of his weaknesses. Now it is important that you see your imperfection. And be happy that he chose you, such an imperfect one.

Energy balance

It's not hard to guess who will be the main source of energy and joy here. The one who has more of it. The one who is younger and knows how to enjoy life and simple things. With age, this skill disappears. Only girls are happy that they were bought ice cream, rode a bike, and showed the dawn on the roof.

Adult women value completely different things. That is why energizer girls are so attracted to men, who cares… It is almost like an elixir of energy and eternal life. What does a girl get as a result of the energy exchange? Stability, grounding, warmth and care. Which is very valuable for those who are constantly in the clouds. The main thing is not to forget to dream and not to give up on your ideas. This is one of the risks of “grounding” with an old man.

So that you do not fly far and train your flying skills no higher than the neighbor's fence, your wings will be “clipped”, devaluing your ideas and undertakings. So your excess energy, which a man needs, will not be wasted. And the chances that you will finally meet your flock and fly out of the nest will also be small.

Conclusion

You shouldn't expect him to change, become younger in spirit, or stop criticizing you. You shouldn't hope that he will die and leave you a fortune if he is a wealthy man in his old age. Modern medicine is progressing. And you are the energizer in the relationship. Therefore, the expenditure of vitality and energy lies with you. Who will outlive whom is a big question.

Is it worth entering into such a relationship? To work out the “father-daughter” relationship that you lacked in childhood, yes. To build a long-term relationship, no. You will never create a family idyll, and you will lose years of life. Any relationship is good because it is experience and the exchange of knowledge and energy. The perfect partner doesn't come immediately.

Therefore, it is quite possible that in order to gain inner integrity, you need to be with a man older than you, to feel like a little girl in his big and strong arms. Or you can go the other way and replace this drama with a trip to a psychologist. Work everything out virtually and save your body and soul from torment.