Experts told what the big age difference threatens

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9, 15, 19, 17, 25, 30, 35 – the age difference can be even greater. But it is precisely these numbers that most often occur in couples. Kira Feklisov's life coach analyzes all the pros and cons of such a relationship.

Beginning

They met on vacation, buying ice cream. She ordered pistachio and chocolate, he ordered chocolate and pistachio. She did not have any small money. The seller has delivery. And he decided to treat a beautiful young girl to ice cream. She liked his paternal care. He felt 15 years younger. And the acquaintance continued.

This is how these stories begin. A grown man helps a girl when she least expects it. She is touched by the care, as well as the gallantry and courtesy of a stranger. And a relationship is established between them. As a rule, long.

After all, an adult man has a lot of experience in communicating with women. And he knows all the weak points – when it is better to call, where to invite to make an impression, when to massage the shoulders to relax and get unobtrusive “admission to the body”, how to calm her in PMS, and when you can proceed to more decisive actions .

Basic relationship model

The basis of such relations, as a rule, lies in the dislike of the girl's father in childhood. He was either not there, or he did not pay attention to his daughter and brushed her off like a fly. From the point of view of psychology, it is the father who symbolizes the ideal man for a girl. And it's no secret that all girls between the ages of 3 and 5 dream of marrying their dad when they grow up.

And if dad accepts this well, caresses and nurtures his daughter, calling her “my princess”, then later this desire passes. And the girl moves on to her peers. But if the father does not accept the love of his little daughter, this desire remains unfulfilled. And in adulthood, the girl will begin to play this program with a man who is much older than her, trying to make up for lost time and fill this gaping hole.

Girl to old age

One of the unpleasant moments in such relationship is that you will have to remain in the role of the same girl almost all your life. That is, look with admiration at this man, depend on him, ask his advice, consider his opinion, not your own.

There is a possibility that the marriage will be childless, because modern men often have problems with fertility. Especially in those who are already old. And even if the child is born, you will still have to remain a girl-mother. That is, consider his opinion, and not your maternal instinct.

You will never become an adult woman. If he wanted such a woman, he would have chosen her, not you. Girls are easily punished, criticized, deprived of ice cream, dresses and sweets. Replay the same scenes where the father ignores the daughter and increase your pain and dependence on him. Well, what if the girl is already 35. He is 50. He has lived longer and knows better how it should be.

Criticism

Even if she was not there at the beginning of your relationship, after a year she will appear anyway. Quietly and discreetly, under the pretext of taking care of you and your family. Girls are chosen to be criticized and nurtured. “Show me your diary. Three again in mathematics! You don't know how to spend money and manage a family budget at all!”

It doesn't matter how good you are at something – English, management, writing, public speaking or communication skills. A grown man will be afraid of losing you. After all, girls tend to grow up, graduate from school and go into adulthood. Therefore, the main tool of his influence will be criticism.

He himself is not perfect and is perfectly aware of his weaknesses. Now it is important that you see your imperfection. And they were happy that he chose you, so imperfect.

Energy balance

It is not difficult to guess who will be the main source of energy and joy here. The one who has more of it. The one who is younger and knows how to enjoy life and simple things. With age, this skill passes. Only the girls are happy that they were bought ice cream, rode a bicycle, showed the dawn on the roof.

Grown women appreciate completely different things. That's why energizer girls are so attractive to men who care… It's almost like an elixir of energy and eternal life. What does the girl get as a result of the energy exchange? Stability, grounding, warmth and care. Which is very valuable for those who are constantly in the clouds. The main thing is not to stop dreaming and not to give up on your ideas. This is one of the risks of “grounding” with an old man.

So that you do not fly far and train your flying skills no higher than the neighbor's fence, you will be “clipped wings”, devaluing your ideas and initiatives. And your excess energy, which is needed by a man, will not be wasted. And the chances that you will finally meet your flock and fly away from the nest will also be small.

Summary

You shouldn't expect him to change, become younger at heart or stop criticizing you. You should not hope that he will die and leave you a fortune if he is a rich old man. Modern medicine is progressing. And you are the energizer in the relationship. Therefore, the expenditure of vitality and energy is on you. Who will survive whom is a big question.

Is it worth entering into such a relationship? To develop the “father-daughter” relationship that you missed in childhood, yes. For building a long relationship – no. You will never create a family idyll, and you will lose years of life. Any relationship is good because it is an experience and an exchange of knowledge and energy. The ideal partner does not come immediately.

Therefore, it is quite possible that in order to gain inner integrity, you need to be with a man older than you, to feel like a little girl in his big and strong arms. Or you can go the other way and replace this drama with a visit to a psychologist. Work through everything virtually and save your body and soul from torment.