Franklin's effect: how to turn an enemy into a friend

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the presence of detractors in life is an inevitable phenomenon. Negative feelings can come from friends, family members, colleagues, classmates and even casual online trolls. Are you smart, lean, seductive, married, lonely, have children or love your job, you will always have detractors.

Most people will be advised to ignore them. And although it is a healthy advice, there is still a way to turn some of your enemies into friends.The fastest and easiest way to turn the enemy into a friend is to ask him for help. This psychological trick is called Ben Franklin's effect. When you ask for people you don't like, they change your attitude towards you and start viewing you as a friend. Assistance is mainly intended for loved ones. You usually do not provide services to people unpleasant to you. Hence the cognitive dissonance, that is, a sequence of beliefs, values ​​and thoughts.

The brain should eliminate dissonance. He begins to behave as an external observer and evaluates your actions, and then gives an explanation why you do what you do. Dissonance is most common in situations where a person must choose between two incompatible beliefs or actions. When you turn to your detractor for help, you create a dissonance and he is forced to change your perception of you to fulfill your request and eliminate inconsistency. The request for mercy is also a subtle form of flattery: it allows the detractor to feel that he has something that you don't have. As a result, he will not only want to help you, but also look at you differently. Hatred as a result evaporates.You need to take yourself before you go for the service. It should be rather insignificant and easily feasible, but not so trivial that it does not look like an insult. This means that you need to take into account the strengths and weaknesses, the intelligence and abilities of the person you turn to.

If it is someone you do not know, make your request as simple as possible. Ask to exchang the bills to buy coffee in the machine, or recommend a restaurant or other institution. When you say questions, it should sound as if you really need a service and value a person. Follow the tone of your voice and body language. And do not forget to express your gratitude and gratitude for the help.

this method is intended not only for detractors. He works great with people you may not know at all, such as a new colleague, a very distant acquaintance and even your secret love. Simple action-a small and intelligent request-can become a catalyst that turns any person into a friend.