How to win trust in a person: the rules of successful conversation

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Talking to an unknown person or a secular conversation-even one of us. For the first time (and, most likely, you will never see again) is very difficult. You feel inconvenience, confuse, talk about the weather, then about the prices of oil … A familiar situation, isn't I?

Usually, we all want one: rather to finish this important conversation “nothing” and run in different directions. But truly wise and successful people do not do so. Here is who you can learn the art of conducting a secular conversation!

So, what is their secret:

The fact is that you want it or not, but in your life you will have to have secular and other conversations with strangers. You will not be able to escape and hide from them. These will be meetings from work that should be placed in the interlocutor, meetings with friends and friends, interviews when hiring and more. Because of all this we have to go through literally everyone, and we will not hide – often we will simply “bomb” from the thought of a future conversation. Yes, it is the resource. Many of us do not even suspect how a fleeting conversation with a virtually unfamiliar person can sometimes change our entire lives. So the skill of an effective conversation is a whole art.

The fact is that there is one way that wise people call “the icebreaker that works in any situation.” It is about melting ice that is invariably present when you talk to strangers or strangers. And sometimes you just need it. For example, when you need to get very important information.

Who knows better where to start a conversation? Of course, a person who has been doing this for years. Moreover, he earns it, and even very good. For example, the presenter and executive producer of American radio show Fresh Air Terry Gross. For 40 years of her career, she interviewed thousands of people! Her show guests were different celebrities: from political figures to pop culture icons. And all of them, from the first minute of communication with Terry Gross, have opened as if they were familiar with their entire lives. Can you imagine?

According to the journalist herself, the secret of her success is very simple. She always carefully collects information about a person who is waiting for a conversation and is genuinely interested in other people (but this is exactly what we need!). She.

he explains that this method is the best thing to come up with. And the worst part is to start a conversation with the words: “So, what do you do?” In this way, you immediately drive a person into a dead end. “Who is it and what does he want from me?” – that's what will be her reaction.

That is why Gross believes that you can really count on an interesting conversation only if you start with these three words: “Tell yourself about yourself.” So such a “start” is almost victory.

“Starting the conversation on this issue, you do not put the interlocutor in an uncomfortable position. And at the same time – you help him overcome shyness or confusion. He already knows the answer to this question, and will answer – great and with pleasure! And it will help you better understand what a person in front of you who loves, and what – on the contrary, how to treat himself and others … ”

And how do you talk further?She explains that melt the ice of the first minutes of conversation is, of course, very important, but very little. If you then start looking at the sides or “unnoticed” look at the clock – write the miss. And the worst thing to come up with is to pretend to be interested. No one is an idiot – you will be baked in the second minute.

you should be genuinely interested in what the interlocutor tells. And also – how he responds to your remarks or clarifying questions. It is important literally to feel it.

Do not look at the flies on the windowsill when you talk to you. That is, do not be distracted for a second (believe that even such a short term is enough to cut the whole conversation), do not interrupt, even if some part of the conversation is clearly not interested in you. You never know what the speaker will say in the next minute. And suddenly it is something very important and worth it? Catch that it is concerned. Clarify something related to it. Smiling to cheer and support.

The engine of any conversation is curiosity. You have to burn from impatience, thinking what the interlocutor will tell. It is impossible to “play”. Lack of interest and boredom within a few minutes “appear on your forehead.”

So you have to enthusiastically and desire to learn as much as possible about what a person tells. Only in this case can you count on success. If you are genuinely interested in something, then your facial expressions and body position screams about it. Similarly – keep a close eye on the language of the speaker's body.

Having appropriate knowledge in this area, you can easily recognize when a person becomes boring or it is alert and is about to “close”. The fact that a certain topic is very interesting to you does not mean that your interlocutor will also be crazy about her. If he crossed his hands, his eyes or unfolds the body from you to the side – it's time to change the topic of conversation! You either deadly tired or annoyed.

And if the conversation failed? How elegant and beautiful to finish it?

Not every conversation goes like oil. It happens that it is doomed to a failure for certain reasons, independent of you. You may just have no common topics for talking. Or one of the interlocutors tuned to failure. Moreover, this is not a trick or deception.

The famous TV presenter advises … to tell the truth. “Be honest,” she says. – Tell me that you need to leave the bathroom (do not forget to do, by the way) or approach the bar and say hello to your acquaintance to spill over a couple of words.

say it, politely say goodbye and go immediately. But what can you talk to what you have nothing to talk to with? It is much more honest – put an end to the boring and no one needed. After all, think that this time can be done with more benefit: to talk to someone who will be genuinely interesting to you, and you are.

So, say goodbye and start talking to another person. As? You already know! From the magic words: “Tell yourself about yourself”!