How to work with your own expectations so as not to spoil your marriage at the start of your life together

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Painting at the RAC or a wedding celebration is the easiest thing you can do to enter family life.

So that the holiday does not remain the only bright memory in your relationship, you need to adequately assess your expectations from marriage and take your time with important decisions. Let's talk about common mistakes that newlyweds make in the first year of life.

You expect that now there will be fewer problems in the relationship

It seems obvious that a stamp in your passport, a marriage certificate, and even a merry feast with all the proper rituals do not affect your relationship with your partner in any way. But people attach such great importance to this event because they believe that a wedding is a step into a new life. It doesn't matter how many years you were together before, now your relationship will become more “real”, “serious”, “perfect”. When the post-wedding euphoria wears off, you return to normal life, and it can be disappointing.

The first year of married life is one of crisis, and part of the reason for this is inflated expectations. After the wedding, any conflicts, differences of interests are perceived more acutely, the spouses seem to be evaluated – did I make the right choice (la)? Quarrels, which previously did not leave a mark on your relationship, now lead to serious doubts and fears.

The best way to avoid this crisis is not to see marriage as a solution to problems. You both can and should grow and become better together, but that doesn't mean your boyfriend will turn into Mr. Perfection. Simply put, don't marry someone you hope to change. Don't wait for problems to end, but learn to find ways to solve them quickly and with the least amount of pain.

Don't try to make your home cozier

Those who started living together before the wedding are unlikely to feel the changes. However, if you're just moving in, it's important to create a sense of home together. When you move to him, you can feel like a guest for a long time and vice versa. Therefore, come up with your own way to become full-fledged owners of an apartment, even if it is a removable one.

This can be a joint purchase of furniture (for example, a bed) or any small things for the home: bed linen, tableware. This is how you symbolize the beginning of a full life together.

Hurry up with the next step

Marriage often becomes a catalyst for other important decisions: buying an apartment, having children. But you don't have to rush it just because you are now husband and wife. No matter how intrusively your relatives loom with questions about parenthood, do only what you are really ready for. There's no point in comparing yourself to other couples or trying to live up to society's expectations: marriage is just a formality, it doesn't obligate you to run to the bank for a mortgage or prepare for conception.

You don't set boundaries with family and friends

This mistake is usually made by couples who have just started living together. You're essentially moving from one family (mom, dad, siblings) to another (your spouse), so it's important to learn to differentiate between them. A new priority: the man and the life you are trying to build together may go against past habits and interests.

His family and yours will have to learn to accept when you want to spend time with them and when you want to spend time alone with each other. Start setting boundaries from the very beginning of your life together, this will help you avoid many problems later on.

You use shared hygiene items

It will seem like a small thing, but in the long run it can create many household problems. Imagine that you have one toothpaste for two. Over time, you notice that the guy often leaves it open, puts it in the wrong place, and one day you go to brush your teeth before going to bed and realize that it has run out (because someone spills half a tube on the brush and is too lazy to warn that he has used the last pasta). Fierce hatred and a local scandal in the studio.

Decide what things you are ready to share with each other, and what you want to keep private – this will help avoid many conflicts.

Distance yourself from friends and family

This is the flip side of not having boundaries — making them very rigid and generally isolating yourself from others. In the first time after the beginning of a relationship, all other interests and connections take a back seat, this is a natural process. But it is dangerous to invest your whole life only in a partner – in a difficult situation you risk being without support.

Encourage the guy to spend time with friends and family with you or without you, do not stand between them and motivate him to do the same and to your loved ones This way you will save yourself and not get bored in the relationship.

You think that you do not need a long-term financial plan

Marriage gives you the opportunity to set long-term financial goals, because now your property relations are clearly regulated by law It would be good to talk about priorities even before going to the RACS. But, if you already know that your views on life coincide, it's time to talk about their material side. Make a financial plan of what you would like to achieve in the future. Buying a car, a house, traveling or moving to another country – all these goals require preparation and a clear understanding of how to achieve them.

Common material priorities will help strengthen the relationship: you both understand what you are going for and feel more confident. .