Phrases you should never say to a woman on maternity leave

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Whether to go back to work a month after the birth of a baby or stay home for three years of maternity leave is up to the mother. 

But there are words that none of them would like to hear from friends and relatives.

What do you do all day?

Only a person who has never been alone with a child for more than five minutes can ask this. You want to answer something like “Of course, I lie on the couch all day and drink coffee” — but, jokes aside, this is a very offensive question, because a child under the age of three requires very, very much attention. In addition to household chores (cooking, feeding, changing clothes, hygiene procedures, cleaning, etc.). Mom needs constant involvement and constant readiness to respond to the child’s requests, as well as communication and playing with the baby. Some, by the way, even take a shower only when their husband returns from work in the evening.

Why don’t you sleep when the child sleeps during the day?

This plan sounds reasonable in theory, but in practice, the precious two hours of daytime sleep will be spent making the bed, cleaning the kitchen, hanging out the laundry (and loading a new load of laundry into the washing machine), and quickly checking social media while mom tries to finally eat breakfast. And some moms, by the way, also manage to work remotely.

And this is in the good case when the child has this daytime sleep in principle and it is quite long!

You probably have no time for yourself at all

If you are trying to express sympathy in this way, don't just say: Mom really has practically no time for herself, there is no need to remind her about it once again. It is much better if you share your experience – for example, tell her that children grow up quickly, and in the end we remember not fatigue, but the best moments of communication with them. Or help with something: walk with the baby for an hour or a half while his mother goes for a manicure – she will appreciate this much more than verbal expressions of sympathy.

It's great – not to work!

In fact, being a mother is not just a full-time job, it is work without days off, vacations, and sometimes even without a lunch break. Today, parents spend much more time communicating with their children than parents did in the 70s of the last century. And the list of mother's responsibilities has also expanded: this includes helping with homework, and additional classes – music, sports, foreign languages, and much more.

Does your husband give you money?

According to statistics, most families with children have a common budget, and the woman often manages finances – because she has a better idea of ​​the overall family expenses. Of course, this scheme does not always work: some women who do not work feel that they lack financial independence. But, in any case, loving wives will be able to agree on money.

Your husband probably earns well – otherwise how would you live on one salary

Let's start by saying that counting money in someone else's pocket is not very polite. But since we've already started, let's calculate how much money a stay-at-home mom saves the family: paying for a nanny, a housekeeper, a driver, a tutor… In addition, many parents choose not a more expensive car or another trip abroad, but the opportunity to be with their child longer and see how he or she grows.

When do you plan to return to work?

Few people today can call their future certain, especially mothers who are on maternity leave. Probably more than half of women who have chosen family over career will not be 100 percent sure that they will be able to return to the same position or even to the same company – the business world is not very stable today. If you want to talk about work – it is better to ask if she plans to do what she did before, and not when she gets a job.

It turns out that your diploma was a waste of time…

One of the most striking manifestations of disrespect for work is being a mother: you simultaneously hint that a woman wasted her time studying and express doubts that she is still capable of anything in the profession. Many mothers find remote work or part-time work – and this activity is not always related to her education or professional field. A child changes our lives, new values ​​appear in it and sometimes completely new horizons open up – and this cannot be considered a step back. In addition, many women hope to return to their career plans when the children go to school and there will be more free time.