Psychologist's advice: how to communicate with a person who constantly complains

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How people who constantly complain harm themselves

According to psychologists, the habit of complaining has quite obvious physical consequences. When a person endlessly voices pessimistic, powerless experiences, a reconfiguration of neural connections takes place in his brain. As a result, negative thinking stereotypes become more stable. And there is simply no room for positive ones, such as gratitude, trust, and a sense of well-being.

Over time, those who constantly think negatively become addicted to it. They are attracted to drama as an opportunity to feel sorry for themselves again and again.

The habit of seeing the bad in everything affects work and life in general. A person who likes to complain clearly sees problems, but is often unable to deal with them. After all, the search for a solution presupposes faith in success. And people with a formed negative mindset are more accustomed and pleasant to think that nothing will work out.

How people who constantly complain harm others

It is similar to passive smoking. You don't need to smoke yourself to inhale the harmful nicotine smoke, just stand next to someone who is smoking. Other people's complaints are the same smoke.

The human brain is arranged in such a way that we unconsciously try on the mood of those people who surround us. We are infected by other people's emotions. The mechanism of empathy is based on this.

From an evolutionary point of view, empathy is a useful quality. It helps us survive. If people around us are scared, we feel anxious too. And we save ourselves by running away, without losing precious seconds to identify the danger and get scared on our own. Empathy also allows us to quickly connect with others to defend against a threat together.

But this mechanism has a flip side. If someone around you is constantly complaining, you can become infected with someone else's negative way of thinking. And before you know it, you'll start behaving the same way.

Should you always avoid people who complain

No. Not all complaints are harmful. There are also productive ones: they lead to the achievement of some result, although not always obvious.

For example, a person may complain to you in order to:

• share his experiences and fears. In return, you will give him the support he needs and thus help reduce stress.
• communicate the problem that worries you. This is how this problem is brought to the surface, becomes available for discussion. And this is the first step to finding a solution.
• evoking sympathy and a desire to help

Productive complaints have one thing in common: they are situational and not heard every day.

And chronic dissatisfaction is completely different. It is endless and has no purpose. More precisely, once the goal may have been. For example, people often get into the habit of complaining at an early age – this way they attract the attention of their parents. But then it turns into a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior. And it can become part of a person's personality.

How to communicate with a person who often complains

Unfortunately, attempts to help such people are often ineffective, or even completely unsuccessful. The problem can be solved with psychotherapy sessions, but the person must realize the need for it himself.

If you are not a close relative who could persuade the person who complains to see a specialist, your task is to protect yourself first of all. And only then “at a safe distance” to look for a way to help.

1. Set boundaries

You should tell the person who wants to cry into a vest again that you are ready to listen to him, sympathize and give a couple of tips. But I am not ready to have the same conversation again and again. For the simple reason that dwelling on negativity benefits neither party.

2. Remind that complaints are productive and not

Sometimes complaining about something is even useful. But complaints should have a purpose. It is worth asking the manipulator what exactly he expects from others when he talks about his problems.

It is one thing if he needs help, but if the goal is solely to complain, and the manipulator does nothing for solving the problem, then you can report that the conversation is not constructive.

3. Change the subject to a more positive one

This is a way to try to rewire the complaining person's brain from the usual negativity to something positive. For example, if someone complains about being busy all the time, you can say, “Wow, you lead such a busy life! And able to handle so many things at the same time! Or to the phrase “I get so tired with children” try to answer with the following words: “Oh, I saw your boy recently, he is so charming and optimistic. He has a stunning smile, just like you!

The world is full of complications. But at the same time, there are many joys around, which you also need to learn to notice. It helps to break negative stereotypes in thinking. And in the end, it makes life easier not only for the one who complains, but also for everyone around