Red flags: These 20 unexpected phrases will make you “instantly unpleasant” people

1. “Are you in common sense?”

Psychologists say that this phrase can be offensive, because you hint that the other person lacks knowledge or abilities. Replace it with “Let's discuss it together” or “Can I explain something to you?”

2. “Calm down”

This phrase can have the opposite effect, enhancing emotions and tension. Instead, try to say, “I understand that it is upset. Let's find out how to handle it. ”

3. “Relax. It's not a big problem ”

This is another option for “calm down”. It can humiliate another person's feelings.  Use: “I see that it is concerned about it. Do you want to talk about it? ”

4. “I'm just honest”

okay, but are you not too cruel for honesty? Honesty is important, but this phrase often justifies sharp or unnecessary criticism. There are more tactful phrases include: “I want to share my thoughts constructively” or “here is my point of view.”

5. “I say how is”

It positions you as the main and final authority in the topic when it may not be true. Use phrases such as “I can't speak for everyone but…” or “This is only my opinion”.

6. “I told you”

This phrase may make others feel humiliated. Instead, try to say, “I'm glad we have found a solution together.”

7. “Why can't you just…?”

The intention may be to give a reasonable, candid advice, but often it is not possible. This phrase can look as critical and hint that the other person behaves recklessly. Alternative: “Why is it difficult for you?” And “How can we simplify this?”

8. “No image, but …”

often precedes for some reason, in fact, abusive. It is better not to use this phrase at all.

9. “You would not understand”

is an assumption that hints that another person lacks abilities or mind that can be offensive. Better say, “Let me explain why it is important and how it works.”

10. “This is some nonsense”

This phrase was recognized as “the most retardant” in the annual Marist national survey for more than ten years. It may look like a derogatory attitude, signaling the disinterest and lack of respect for the other person's thought or feelings. 

11. “Oh, bless your heart …”

This phrase is subtly hints that the interlocutor would be better silent than to open his mouth at all.

12. “Madness is to do the same thing again and again and expect another result”

This phrase speaks of complacent. Psychiatrists say there are many forms of madness, and this is one of the least dangerous forms.

13. “You are such an OCD (mental disorder-)”

Psychologists urge not to use clinical terms to describe behavior, such as a natural desire to have a clean kitchen. It can be offensive to people,.

14. “We've always done so”

This phrase can suppress innovation and make others feel that their ideas are not necessary. Use: “Let's think if there is a better way to approach it.”

15. “This is not my responsibility”

This phrase may seem selfish. There are more tactful ways to discuss inquiries that are not in your responsibility, for example: “Let's find out who can help with it” or “I'm not sure but i will try to find out.”

16. “No drama”

This phrase suggests that you believe that you are better guided by emotions.

17. “I don't need toxic people in my life”

This statement is often a “no drama” variation. This is usually the most dramatic or most toxic person we know.

18. “You are always so dramatic …”

, it directly blames a person of dramatic, not hints at it, as it does “without drama.” Hinging a dramatic label rejects his emotions and can make him feel humiliated.

say, “I can say that it really affects you. Let's talk about it. ”

19. “I know how you feel”

The answer is probably not. This phrase is the code for the “true failure of empathy.”

20. “You look tired”

can often do more harm than good. This comment can make a person feel depressed or hint that he does not look the best way that can be embarrassed.