Run away from such relationships: how to understand that you are being used

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Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships where we feel uncomfortable but can't figure out why. It's easier to deny reality, blaming everything on your own insecurity.

Psychologist Ilya Poludyony told Wonderzine Ukraine what are the signs of a toxic relationship with a manipulator.

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Pseudo-friendships often arise at work. Inconspicuously, you are already working at night on a “friend's” project, which is justified by personal problems. Once the project is over, the “friendship” disappears, leaving you alone with your doubts. In fact, you have become the victim of a manipulator who exploits people for his own gain.

Symbolic gestures

Manipulators make small signs of attention that cost them nothing. For example, they give a souvenir from a past trip, accompanied by a romantic story. This is done to create a sense of obligation. In return, you are expected to provide emotional support, time and energy.

Selective attention

Communication takes place only at the request of the manipulator. He ignores your messages, doesn't find time for you, but shows up when he's bored or needs help. As soon as the problem is solved, it disappears again. In response to your difficulties, you will hear only formal encouragement.

Lack of interest

Despite the duration of the relationship, the manipulator forgets important dates or events in your life. This shows a lack of interest in getting to know each other better. Such people are focused only on themselves and the potential benefit of communicating with you.

Ignoring boundaries

Manipulators transfer their problems to you, demand help even when you are busy. They use you for emotional relief, ignoring advice to contact a specialist. They can borrow things without returning them or forget to return debts. This shows a lack of respect for your personal boundaries.

One-sided efforts

You constantly initiate contact, organize meetings, adapt to the manipulator's plans. Instead, he makes no effort to maintain the relationship, because everything suits him.

Financial exploitation

The manipulator regularly “forgets” the wallet, forcing you to pay for joint entertainment . The situation repeats, causing discomfort, but you are afraid of losing the “friendship”.

Recommendations

A key indicator of a toxic relationship is a feeling of discomfort. It is important to trust your own feelings. Often the problem is related to blurred personal boundaries. It is difficult for some people to say “no” because of low self-esteem.

There are two ways to solve the situation:

1. Use it for personal growth by learning to stand up for yourself interests.
2. Avoid confrontation by pretending that everything is fine.

Useful tactic: do not agree to the request immediately, take time to think. This will help you make an informed decision.

Remember: if you are afraid of losing a “friend” due to rejection, think about whether you need a person who will not come to your aid in a difficult moment.