These toxic habits in relationships most people consider quite normal

>Here are the habits that seem to be normal in our society, but they can actually destroy relationships:

expectation that your partner will “correct” your emotional disorder

How many times have you quarreled because your partner was not close to you in a difficult minute or did not sympathize with your bad day? Did you accumulate outrage because a loved one did not show emotions as you need? Although maintaining a loved one is really important, there is a big difference between support and emotional obligation. You have to complement each other without feeling that one of you depends on the other. Keyword: Ask. You can voice how you want your partner to show yourself in this support. Take responsibility for your emotions without expecting others to be responsible for your emotional state.Justice and balance are two excellent qualities, but sometimes they are very similar in accounting. If you find that you are making the effort that your partner makes and how they correlate with the efforts you make; Or if one of you replies to the image, giving arguments from the past, it means that one of you or you are both more focused on the calculation of the points than to maintain a happy relationship. Relationships should not include the “You – I am to you” system that takes into account who is more mistaken or who is guilty of anyone.

Relationships should not be “fair and honest” to be good. If you live together, you are not obliged to share your home duties equally (for example, “I prepared, so you have to wash dishes” or “I was walking with a dog yesterday, so you have to do it today”). Instead, ask your partner to do exactly what he likes. And take yourself what your partner does not really enjoy. Conversely. Consider what makes sense for each of you, not what is “honest” and what is not. And treat every problem or differences as a brand new without raising the issues of the past without mentioning the former image and comparing with what was once.The biggest mistake is to assume that a person should “supplement” you. No one can live a fulfilling life with the belief that he or she needs another person to solve all the problems. This opinion can lead to toxic dynamics, such as interdependence, insecurity and controlling behavior.

look at your partner as a person who enriches and complements your already full, happy life. Make more emphasis on yourself than on a relationship, look for what makes you happy to share your joy and achievements with your loved one.We all laughed and wept under the cult drama “Diary of Memory”, where stormy quarrels turned into no less passionate sexy scenes. But the “passion”, which leads to constant fights or cry, always hides profound problems, such as immaturity, difficulties with communication, and sometimes narcissism, psychopathy and desire for control. No matter what causes constant quarrels, it leads to an unstable relationship, which ultimately leads to burnout. The truth is that love should be gentle and calm. Emotional swings have not helped anyone yet. All is well is when you are more likely to feel pleasure rather than annoyance or anger.

Change a way to solve problems. Think of a problem as something that opposes you two, not that you are fighting against each other at this point. In addition, focus on the emotions of your partner, not on his words, because in a moment of anger and frustration we can say unnecessary. Cultate those traits of your relationship and your partner that have nothing to do with “passion” – kindness, ability to support you, common values ​​and interests, etc. If your relationship is still even more passion and conflict than a sense of security, security and selfless support, just be able to do it. Evaluate partner

Instead of saying, “What you said is not very pleasant and offended me,” you say, “I can never be with a person who says such horrible things!” Instead of saying, “Because of your reaction to what I said, I felt unjustified,” you say, “You ignore my feelings! I deserve someone who listens to me and takes care of my feelings! ” Familiar? This reaction is the result of expectations based on your own “ideals” that really have nothing to do with your partner. In general, stop demanding a loved one too much and accept it as it is.

Focus solely on the problem, not on the partner's actions. Talk about your feelings, why you hurt you rather than what you are disappointed.For example, you borrowed a laptop from a partner and “accidentally” left a page in a browser with a certain pair of sneakers you dream of, or accidentally “thought out loud” – “I always loved ballet, but I have not been to the theater for a long time!” – Hoping your boyfriend or a man will understand a hint and give you what you want. Such hints can be toxic and destructive. These tips mean that one (or both) of you try to push the other to what he wants, instead of just saying it. If you cannot frankly express your feelings or desires (“I want you to tell me more compliments” or “I want to try something new in bed”), it shows that your couple's communication requires some job. Because if you know that your feelings are treated with respect and without condemnation, you do not have a reason for passive-aggressive behavior.

It is necessary to speak frankly about your feelings, desires and needs, because no one knows how to read other people's thoughts. Make it clear that your partner is not required to meet your needs; Rather, you appreciate any effort and support and do not condemn if your loved one is unacceptable to what you tell her.Another conviction that makes girls believe in the prince since they first looked at the Cinderella or Twilight. What is the problem of this myth? You can spend all your life search for the perfect partner. This does not mean that you will not find the one who works for you, but you cannot wait for your loved one and right away. Or wait that someone will love you crazy love, as in a movie, whatever you do and how you would behave. Each of us loves differently and shows our feelings differently. Some talk about love, others are silent, but prove his actions. For some love, these are flowers and gifts, for other people are ordinary touches and hugs every day. Study each other, find out, look for the points of touch and what captures you and captures you in your partner.

think about your relationship as your own choice, not “fate”. Instead of asking yourself, or “perfect” your companion, ask yourself if you want your children to look like it? And stop looking at the one who will “complement you”, better find the one who loves you as you are. Believe me, it's more romantic than passionate quarrels and stormy reconciliation.