What not to say to a loved one who's had a bad day: Forget these 6 phrases

0

When your loved one has had a bad day, you want to do everything you can to help them feel a little better, not make an already difficult time worse. But unfortunately, sometimes well-intentioned comments can only make things worse.

It's worth remembering that what people do and don't want to hear after a hard day can differ significantly. You should study your partner to understand which tactics he will definitely not like and which will be supportive.

It could have been worse

Although this remark is usually made with positive intentions, it minimizes your partner's feelings about the current situation.

“This can make them feel guilty for being upset and assume that their feelings are invalid or unimportant. This comparison is rarely comforting and often makes a person feel more alone in their struggle,” says relationship expert Amy Chan.

Here's what you should do

This tactic is very common in men – “how not to feel bad, or how to solve the cause of this feeling”.

“Most men want to avoid communicating their feelings, so they find it easier and more convenient to give advice about a problem – like dealing with the kids or the boss – than opening the door to hear what their partner is really feeling,” explains the therapist. Kurt Smith.

It's not that big of a deal

This is another example of a comment that minimizes the situation and your partner's feelings and can make your loved one feel like their feelings are invalid.< /p>

“What may seem unimportant to you can cause deep concern for your partner. When you don't know that something is a big deal to your partner, they usually feel alone and like they can't tell you how they feel. This phrase can create emotional distance, making them feel that their emotions are unimportant or exaggerated,” explains family therapist Brian Billups Hughes.

Also avoid saying things like “it's not that bad”. Even if the problem really isn't bad in the grand scheme of things, when a partner is upset, they're unlikely to find it helpful and supportive.

“Give them time to calm down a bit, then think about how to look at the situation. When we are upset, we are often physiologically overwhelmed – the heart speeds up, palms sweat, blood pressure rises – and our ability to be rational decreases,” the expert emphasizes.

At least…

Every time , when you start a sentence with “at least…” – even if you're trying to be encouraging – it comes across as dismissive.

“It shifts the focus from their current emotional state to something that's supposed to make them feel better, and it can seem like you're dismissing their problems,” Chan adds.

Just calm down

If telling someone to relax or calm down can do just the opposite, even if it's intended to be reassuring.

“This may sound dismissive, implying that your partner's emotions are a problem that needs to be addressed quickly. This approach can make them feel more upset and less understood, perpetuating the situation rather than resolving it,” explains Hughes.

Telling someone to relax or calm down seems to imply that the person is overreacting. In addition to potentially increasing frustration or other unpleasant emotions, telling your partner to calm down can make them feel judged rather than supported.

I had a bad day too

Avoid any attempts to immediately turn the conversation back to yourself, do not prevent your partner from fully expressing himself.

“For most of us, it is very easy and convenient to talk about ourselves. We often do not even realize how often and how much we do it. When a partner is having a bad day, he needs sympathy the most. But most don't know how to do that, so they end up talking about themselves and not their partner,” says Smith.

How can you be supportive?

Approach the situation with a sense of empathy and understanding.

“Focus on listening and validating your partner's emotions. Phrases like 'I'm here for you' and 'That sounds really hard' can be much more supportive,” Hughes says.

“Creating a safe space for your partner to express themselves without condemnation, strengthens the emotional connection and promotes a sense of mutual trust and respect,” the expert emphasizes.

You may be tempted to move on to solving the problem, and partners often just want to be heard and understood , as they work through their feelings and move on to the next step, which may include finding solutions.