What to do if you catch your partner in a lie

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Lying in a relationship is unequivocally condemned by the majority of us, but everyone reacts to lies in their own way. For some, it is a common lie to say that they were delayed at work, even though they themselves met with their girlfriends; hiding some personal purchase from a partner is almost the norm. For others, even a small misunderstanding is betrayal.

It doesn't matter what kind of deception you've encountered, your reaction will determine whether you and your boyfriend can get out of this situation and keep the relationship intact. Let's talk about what to do if your partner is caught lying.

Think about why he lied

If it is not a mental disorder, then there must be a more or less objective reason for the lie. Think about why he did this: maybe he was afraid of your reaction, he was ashamed of his act, or he was used to cheating in a previous relationship. Any of these arguments does not exonerate the boy. But if you show empathy, it will be a little easier to deal with emotions.

If you want to really solve the problem, and not just vent your anger, analyze the situation before starting a conversation.

Speak calmly

Convinced that your partner is cheating on you, talk to him about it. Just don't give in to the urge to urgently make a scandal for the guy. Be calm and composed, explain what happened and ask him to comment on it. Try not to interrupt your partner until he has finished talking.

Self-control is not necessary for a guy to feel comfortable talking to you. If you speak on emotions, he can turn the situation against you. Take offense at your insults, start saying that you need to calm down, resort to gaslighting (a form of psychological violence, the main task of which is to make a person doubt the adequacy of his perception of the surrounding reality). With your reaction, you will give the guy a lot of reasons to avoid a constructive discussion of his act.

Set boundaries

If you are ready to continue the relationship after cheating, you should set firm boundaries. Explain how important it is to you that the guy is honest. Note that this applies even to small household lies, not just betrayals or global lies. The logical conclusion of such a dialogue should be his agreement to continue the relationship only under conditions of absolute honesty.

Whether you will be able to start trusting him again depends on the behavior of the guy himself. But if the lie repeats itself, it will no longer be a mistake, but a deliberate attack on your values ​​on his part.

Give him the opportunity to tell the truth

In some cases, we really provoke our partner to cheat. When a person knows that you will react to the truth with accusations, condemnation, you are unlikely to share his position, you don't really want to be honest.

Make sure you give him the opportunity to talk to you about anything and back it up with action. Be open to dialogue, try not to rush with assessments, control your emotions. Don't punish a person for being honest with you. In order for the relationship to be truly sincere, you and your partner should not have forbidden topics. You can show him by example what kind of behavior you expect, so be honest.

If the lies don't stop, consider breaking up

< p>The previous tips are mostly suitable for the situation if you caught your partner lying for the first time. A lot depends on your reaction to his act: don't pretend that a little deception means nothing to you if it doesn't, and give him a chance to make amends. But if the dishonesty continues, maybe your relationship is not a priority for the guy.

This is especially true when the partner breaks a promise he made earlier. This is how he shows that neither his words nor his actions can be trusted. After such an obvious betrayal, it is almost impossible to restore trust. If honesty in a relationship is one of your main values, you should think about breaking up, rather than waiting for the guy to change.