What to do if you caught a partner on a lie

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lies in a relationship unambiguously condemn most of us, but everyone responds to a lie in their own way. For some household lies – to say that they were detained at work, although they met with girlfriends; Hiding some personal purchase from a partner is almost the norm. For others, even minor misunderstanding is betrayal.

It doesn't matter what kind of deception you face, it depends on your reaction whether you can get out of this situation with the guy by maintaining the relationship. Let's tell what if you have exposed a partner in a lie.

think why he lied

if it is not a mental disorder, then there should be a more or less objective reason for lies. Think about why he did so: he may have been afraid of your reaction, ashamed of his act, or used to deceive in previous relationships. Any of these arguments does not justify the guy. But if you find empathy, it will be a little easier to cope with emotions.

If you want to really solve the problem, not just splash anger, analyze the situation before you start a conversation. Just do not give in to the guy a scandal immediately. Be calm and restrained, explain what happened and ask him to comment. Try not to interrupt the partner until he finishes talking.

Self -control is not necessary for the boy to communicate comfortably with you. If you talk on emotions, it can turn the situation against you. To be offended by your insults, to begin to say that you need to calm down, to resort to gasplating (a form of psychological violence, the main task of which is to make a person doubt the adequacy of their perception of the surrounding reality). With your reaction, you will give the boy a lot of actuators to avoid constructive discussion of his act.If you are ready to continue your relationship after deception, you should set stiff boundaries. Explain how important it is for the guy to be honest. Mark that this applies even to small household lies, not just betrayal or global lies. The logical completion of such dialogue should be his consent to continue relationships only in conditions of absolute honesty.

Whether you can start trusting him again depends on the guy's behavior. But if the lie is repeated, it will no longer be a mistake, but a conscious blow to your values ​​on his part. When a person knows that you react to the truth accusations, condemnation, hardly divide his position, be honest not very much.

Make sure you give him the opportunity to communicate with you about anything and support it. Be open to dialogue, try not to rush with grades, control your emotions. Don't punish a person for being honest with you. In order for the relationship to be truly sincere, you should not have prohibited topics with your partner. You can show him what kind of behavior you are waiting for, so be honest.

If the lie does not stop, think about separation

Previous tips are mostly suitable for a situation if you have caught a partner for the first time. A lot depends on your reaction to his act: do not give up that little deception means nothing for you if it is not, and give it the opportunity to get corrected. But if the dishonesty continues, maybe your relationship is not priority for the guy. So he shows that neither his words or actions can be believed. After such an obvious betrayal, it is almost impossible to restore trust. If honesty in relationships is one of the main values ​​for you, you should think about parting, not wait for the guy to change.