Why you should ignore people who constantly complain – the explanation of a psychologist

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There is a person around us who is constantly looking for someone's free ears to tell how bad things are for him. Even if this person is dear to you, psychologists advise you to run away from him.

Troubles happen to everyone and it is quite normal when a person wants to share them with someone. But it is not at all normal when she whines constantly: the boss is a pig, the weather is terrible, bread has become more expensive, there is no money for a vacation.   

At first, we sincerely sympathize. Then it starts to get annoying. However, we listen to the stream of complaints without interrupting, so as not to look like soulless egoists. In the end, we ourselves suffer from it.     

How someone else's whining affects us

Do you remember how tired you felt after such “cute” conversations? The whiner wants to evoke sympathy, so that others share his mood – then he will feel better. This is basic vampirism, which takes away your energy.

But that's not all. The human brain is configured in such a way, explains psychologist Helen Weintz, that it subconsciously imitates the mood of others. At least those we care about or spend a lot of time with. This is the basis of empathy, which in psychology is called neural mirroring. That is, if you are characterized by a feeling of pity, whether you like it or not, you will worry about other people's problems and experience them as your own, you will become nervous and irritable. Think: do you really need it?

It's even worse if you start to feel uncomfortable because you have a better situation, you are more successful. Or because you can't help. After someone else's life, there will be no time or resources for your own.

How to protect yourself from nitwits?

Even if they take offense at you and do not greet you, break up it's a circle Try to avoid communication with a person who constantly pours out his problems on you.

If this is impossible for some reason, ignore it. Show indifference. The interlocutor will not be interested in you, and he will stop drawing emotions and energy from you.

If he keeps up after that, strike him back: stop sympathizing – start complaining too. Does he have high blood pressure? And yours is even higher. Did his washing machine break down and need to shell out for repairs? And you have a broken coffee machine, torn curtains and a whistle in the wheel.

In the end, don't hesitate to honestly say that you are tired of listening to complaints. After this, they will definitely find a replacement for you.